lizzie's guide to driving in LA~~

hey all y'all, some of y'all may know that LA has its own set of driving rules. it takes quite a bit of time to get used to, but now i'm practically an expert. here are some tips:

1. the maximum amount of cars to turn left on red is TWO. if more than two cars go, that just ruins the whole intersection for the entire next light cycle.

2. if there is a green arrow provided for you to turn left, TURNING LEFT ON RED IS UNNECESSARY. this completely defeats the purpose of the green arrow!

3. DO NOT SWITCH LANES IN AN INTERSECTION. duh.

4. if you're heading east in the right lane of fountain at the la brea intersection, TURN RIGHT ON LA BREA PLZ. or else you'll be cutting tons of cars off when the lane ends and everyone will h8 u 4ever

5. if you're happily driving along and there is a green light (indicating "go") you still shouldn't go if there are cars backed up in the upcoming lanes. if you do, you'll be sitting in the middle of the intersection when the light turns red and cars will honk at you for the entire light as if you didn't already know you were stopped in the middle of an intersection.

here is a SPECIAL DRIVING VLOG for y'all:

lizzie drives down laurel canyon FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE, but neglects to capture the lovely steep downhill slope of the road or the spectacular views in the distance, but instead captures the sound of her car practically shattering into thousands of pieces each time she goes over a bump.

lizzie recites hippos go berserk from memory for your listening pleasure

clearly the best use of my time

lizzie reads from tree of codes for your listening pleasure

EVERYONE KNOWS that tree of codes is jonathan safran foer's newest "novel" which is actually a "novella" created from another novel called the street of crocodiles.

it is a DIE-CUT book, as if he took the street of crocodiles and only printed it on one-side of the pages and then literally cut out some of the words to make a whole new story!!!!

(i think i'm going to submit this description here to wikipedia because there is no entry for tree of codes yet and this is so eloquently written.)

it's common knowledge that jonathan safran foer is a creative genius.

in fact everything he's ever written is the most beautiful thing i've ever read. maybe. if not, it's at least a tie for first place.

it took me quite a few tries to figure out how to read this book. first i just tried looking at the pages normally and reading through the holes. but then i realized that duh you need to lift up each page and read the words that remain.

please keep this in mind if you watch the video and are like "lizzie you can't even read wtf"

i mean the punctuation is not always obvious ok

i've probably read it about 5 times all the way through. hope you guys like it

cya