what began as a normal evening spent eating delicious hummus and mozzarella balls (who knew those were even good!?!) and watching one particular prime-time crime drama gradually transitioned into some of the very oddest hours of my life, maybe. i don't know, i can't think of anything comparable right now.
this is what usually happens when i have to work an opening shift the next morning, PLEASE PREPARE YOURSELVES TO READ SOMETHING VERY EXCITING: i get ready for bed early-ish and then i read or watch dawson's creek until i'm tired. then i go to sleep. shocking, i know.
but since i'm house/dog-sitting for loulu~*~, my routine was a little disrupted. that's fine, no problem there. i'm a perfectly adaptable human being.
i tried to go to sleep with exactly 6 hours before i needed to be awake in the morning. EVERYONE KNOWS that six hours of sleep is adequate for normal, cognitive functioning.
little did i know, sleeping with a bulldog in the bed with you does NOT allow for a night of uninterrupted sleep. but like i said y'all, i'm adaptable, and was able to get comfortable in spite of the snoring, twitching, kicking 60-pound mass of cuteness next to me.
unfortunately, after trying to fall asleep to no avail for 2 hours, a search helicopter began to circle DIRECTLY ABOVE ME for at least 40 minutes. after about 30 minutes and near insanity, i blindly fumbled my way downstairs to get my earplugs.
by the time i got back into bed i was wide awake. y'all are probably familiar with this scenario: you have to get up early and you only have x amount of hours to sleep. as x decreases, panic sets in, which in turn makes you less likely to fall asleep. "if i fall asleep RIGHT NOW i can get x hours!"... "ok if i fall asleep NOW i can get x-1 hours" ... etc.
this has happened to me tonssss of times, but usually around 2am i pass out from exhaustion.
NOT LAST NIGHT THOUGH XXXXX, my brain had other plans.
i tried alllll the tricks. putting thoughts in boxes, writing things down, counting backwards from 100.
i probably started at 100 about 7 million times and never once made it all the way to 1 without my mind wandering and losing count.
basically what i've spent like 20 paragraphs trying to say is:
I STAYED AWAKE ALL NIGHT WITHOUT EVEN ONE MINUTE OF SLEEP.
and because of this, i spent the next day in a surreal state of being.
and because of this, crayyyzay things kept happening to me allll day:
1. i had to take darling loulu for a walk before i went to work, and it was still dark outside. i wasn't concerned for my safety because i was within 3 feet of a vicious guard bulldog.
unfortunately i was unable to inform loulu of her protective position, and she cowered in fear at a lone man wearing a shirt that said "FUCK" standing directly outside the apartment. i tried to pull her leash so she'd keep walking, but she stood firmly planted in the grass, gazing at the man with an absolutely terrified expression. thanks loulu.
2. after surviving the encounter with man #1, i drove to work and parked my car in the parking garage at work (still dark outside y'all, basically no one is awake yet). i was just getting my hello kitty lunch box out of my backpack, the usual,
then i turn to exit my vehicle and A MAN WITH A BLEEDING HEAD IS STANDING INCHES FROM ME.
clearly shocked and very confused, i opened my door slowly. just for the record, even though i've seen zillions of criminal minds episodes and also the movie urban legend so of course i am knowledgeable of the stereotypical murderer "help me please i'm in trouble" ploy. i still opened my door anyway. so if ever i am murdered and the FBI supervisory special agents are trying to profile the unsub who killed me and someone is like, lizzie isn't stupid y'all, she'd never _______ someone she didn't know!
proof right there that i would in fact open my door for a man with a bleeding head. sorry mom and dad.
the man, who barely spoke english, was trying to explain his situation. at first i thought he said he got hit by a car, but then i understood the word "gate" and i still don't know why he was telling me any of this or what he expected me to do. i think my last words to him were "uh. that sucksssss, i'm sorry" and i practically sprinted to work (while doing the wolverine of course)
3. while at work, STRANGE THINGS KEPT HAPPENING. mostly in the form of customers being even more weird than usual.
first there was the guy who ordered like 239857w pastries and showed me and my coworker pictures of his wife and asked us to guess her age, and also insisted that my mom had a facebook and i just didn't know about it. also he kept making bets with us and losing.
then also the guy who left his HOLY BIBLE WORD SEARCH BOOK accidentally and i looked through it and all the words were crossed out except the word "ass" was circled. then i saw that he wrote at the top of the word searches things like: "only 8 minutes!" and "yea!" and the date and times that he completed them. so i saw him sitting across at the bus stop in his neon pink shirt and jesus lanyard so i went outside and waved his book and yelled "EXCUSE ME IS THIS YOURZ" and he ran in front of traffic to get it back.
i hope these details suffice for you guyz to believe me that i had a weird day~*~
also i went to a pie cooking contest but had to leave before even eating pie.
also i took ***night-time sleep aid*** last night in order to avoid a repeat of the previous night. and i was trying to write this blog~*~ but i couldn't because my fingers couldn't type. i felt like a zombie 4 real.
hope y'all r living normal lives l8ly~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hope no men with bleeding heads approach y'all's cars at 5am.
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